Sabaton on Friday!

Fucking hell I'm absolutely thrilled that it's so close to Sabaton's concert!
If it wasn't for that I'd probably have given up by now... oh wait I do every fucking day.

Now before I go further I'd like to excuse the lack of blogging, in case anyone noticed I was gone! I'll try to not skip it as much as I've been doing!

Last week or so I've been really tired of life... or well longer than the last week but especially the last week. I've been waking up in the mornings thinking of reasons to bother getting out of bed. This is where school comes in... most kids my age are all on about school, getting stressed if the workload is too heavy or if they've got a lot of tests etc. While I prefer to stay the fuck away from school as I hate every single minute of it.
My week kinda looks like this:
Sunday: can't be arsed getting out of bed until 2 or 3 o'clock, bored to death, refresh Facebook a million times, watch the same movie I watched last week, maybe take a look at my homework and make up reasons why I haven't done it. Then go to sleep, usually takes ages to fall a sleep though, both on weekends and weekdays.
Monday: Hate it. Worst day of the week, got more classes in that day than any other day of the week. Thankfully though I've got one cool teacher and he's teaching the class that is first in the morning, and he usually allows us to study at home at Monday mornings. This means that I sleep and feel guilty for taking advantage of his trust... or sometimes I feel guilt sometimes I feel nothing.
Tuesday: Nothing destroys ones day as well as having 1 class before lunch and that class being Italian at 8 o'clock in the morning while your next class doesn't start until after lunch... Needless to say I miss that class a lot. The other 3 classes I got are pretty shit too, but then again Italian is easily the worst! Then once school's over and I've spent hours killing time at home I got my rugby training! One of the few things each week I like.
Wednesday: Religion and Italian in the same day? Fucking hell I hate this shit... I got the cool teacher in first class of Wednesdays though, starts at 10 o'clock, he's usually a minute or 2 late and allows us to go a bit early usually. But still makes us do a lot of shit at home... which I happen to forget doing a lot unfortunately... since I like some of the projects.(I got him in Social Studies on Wednesdays and Thursdays and then History on Mondays and Thursdays)
Thursday: Probably the top of the week... or well except the classes before lunch... Religion and English. But then I got history and social studies with the cool teacher after lunch. And then in the evening I got my rugby training.
Friday: Start at 8 o'clock, have my favorite class, Tourism, at 8 o'clock, yawn my head off. And then kill my mentor a million times in the next 2 classes of the day where I have that cunt. But quitting for the weekend at 12 o'clock is pretty nice!
I usually also go to the rugby club and see if anyone is there and if there's stuff to do be done or something.
Saturday: I do the same as on Sundays but ain't as depressed and don't check for homework or make up excuses. I do also help out at the rugby club if needed but that's not too often.

Well that's my week... pretty shit. Oh I forgot fill in all the spaces from when I get up till I go to sleep with "hating my life".



I think I wrote it in a earlier post that I had been thinking a lot about suicides lately?

Well it kinda shocked me the other night when I saw myself blow my brains out with a shotgun in a dream of course, otherwise I probably wouldn't have seen myself doing it and I'd not be writing this right now if I had.
So I've been spending some time now thinking about dreams, and what they mean. And well I've come to the conclusion that I really ought to go and see a psychologist or some kind of head doctor as I'm growing insane it feels like and it's not the kind of insanity where you enjoy it but you hate every single second of it.
I'll see if I'll be able to grow me a pair and pick up the phone and order a time at some doctor!


And now... Sabaton!
Alestorm!
Steelwing!

The concert I'm going to was reported to be sold out the other night on Sabaton's website, which is cool. I'm really looking forward to it, got my beer and everything ready!
What a shame it has started to snow though which might mean that I can't be arsed to walk home from the concert, and the question is if I can afford a taxi ride home afterwards... or if I'll have to stay sober until after I get home. Well I'm just gonna hope for the best!

Well I've been just talking on and on about some random shit that none of you cares about so I'm gonna stop writing now!
Thanks all for taking your time to read this crap!
I'll try to get myself together and post again soon!

Feeling down

Haven't blogged for a while now, just haven't felt like it I guess. Thinking nobody reads this crap or something, well then I got an e-mail about a comment on my latest post, pointing out that I haven't posted in a while.
Well that got me to think that people are still reading therefor I've been going to make a new blog post but haven't found the right moment for it, and well now isn't the right moment either I guess.

What do I have to blog about? Absolutely nothing it feels like. I've been feeling a bit down lately, the past 10 years or so, no but really lately I haven't felt much if anything to be honest. Even earlier tonight at my rugby training I felt nothing, it didn't feel as good to train tonight as it is. And yet it was a killer training we were a lot of people and a lot of joy and sweat was at tonights training, but still I felt nothing.

Today I called in sick... or no actually I didn't even bother calling in sick. I wasn't really sick though, I just had a little bit of headache. What did I do, I lied in my bed staring at the wall. And it came to my mind that there was really just one place that I really like to be at, and that is in my bed alone, well I wouldn't mind some company to be honest but it hasn't really been looking like I'll be getting any the next 500000000000 years or so.

I actually went to the doctor's the other day about something, and she asked me how I felt, which I was pretty sure she would and I had decided in beforehand to say that I was feeling shit and have been for some years now. Well what do I do? Of course I tell her that I'm doing all right, and that I like school... I fucking hate school, only thing I hate more than school is the teachers. So saying this the doctor didn't pick up on my signals, as much as I want to complain to someone in real life, eye to eye, I just don't seem to be able to get myself to do it.
I really want to talk to a psychiatrist or whatever, just someone to talk to, doesn't even need to be a professional. Just someone I can trust and talk to about whatever it is that is bothering me and help me fix it.

I envy depressed people who have the courage to take the step to go and talk to a doctor or whatever. And I really envy those who have the friends and/or family that pick up on their signals and give them some help by either talking to them about things and/or helping them going to a doctor.

Now I don't want to sound more fucked up than I already am, and don't want to let anyone get the wrong ideas. I'm depressed but don't have the balls to do anything about it, I'm not far down enough to go and take my life. Even if the idea it self of fixing all my problems has come up occasionally in my mind, though I do not want to do that to my few friends or family that might actually care. And besides I do not want to be dead in a church graveyard or get some religious burial and well I think that's most likely the only option for those who die today, at least in the western world, especially where I live.

Well I do hope I'll be in a better mood next time and have something more enjoyable to blog about!
Arrivaderci!