Feeling down

Haven't blogged for a while now, just haven't felt like it I guess. Thinking nobody reads this crap or something, well then I got an e-mail about a comment on my latest post, pointing out that I haven't posted in a while.
Well that got me to think that people are still reading therefor I've been going to make a new blog post but haven't found the right moment for it, and well now isn't the right moment either I guess.

What do I have to blog about? Absolutely nothing it feels like. I've been feeling a bit down lately, the past 10 years or so, no but really lately I haven't felt much if anything to be honest. Even earlier tonight at my rugby training I felt nothing, it didn't feel as good to train tonight as it is. And yet it was a killer training we were a lot of people and a lot of joy and sweat was at tonights training, but still I felt nothing.

Today I called in sick... or no actually I didn't even bother calling in sick. I wasn't really sick though, I just had a little bit of headache. What did I do, I lied in my bed staring at the wall. And it came to my mind that there was really just one place that I really like to be at, and that is in my bed alone, well I wouldn't mind some company to be honest but it hasn't really been looking like I'll be getting any the next 500000000000 years or so.

I actually went to the doctor's the other day about something, and she asked me how I felt, which I was pretty sure she would and I had decided in beforehand to say that I was feeling shit and have been for some years now. Well what do I do? Of course I tell her that I'm doing all right, and that I like school... I fucking hate school, only thing I hate more than school is the teachers. So saying this the doctor didn't pick up on my signals, as much as I want to complain to someone in real life, eye to eye, I just don't seem to be able to get myself to do it.
I really want to talk to a psychiatrist or whatever, just someone to talk to, doesn't even need to be a professional. Just someone I can trust and talk to about whatever it is that is bothering me and help me fix it.

I envy depressed people who have the courage to take the step to go and talk to a doctor or whatever. And I really envy those who have the friends and/or family that pick up on their signals and give them some help by either talking to them about things and/or helping them going to a doctor.

Now I don't want to sound more fucked up than I already am, and don't want to let anyone get the wrong ideas. I'm depressed but don't have the balls to do anything about it, I'm not far down enough to go and take my life. Even if the idea it self of fixing all my problems has come up occasionally in my mind, though I do not want to do that to my few friends or family that might actually care. And besides I do not want to be dead in a church graveyard or get some religious burial and well I think that's most likely the only option for those who die today, at least in the western world, especially where I live.

Well I do hope I'll be in a better mood next time and have something more enjoyable to blog about!
Arrivaderci!

Music as torture!

So I just finished watching a really interesting documentary about how music can and has been used as torture. A Swedish documentary called Musik som gör ont, was showed on SVT2 earlier tonight, or on SVT Play right here http://svtplay.se/v/2207565/k_special/musik_som_gor_ont Unfortunately it doesn't have subtitles for when they speak Swedish but a lot of it is in English so I say watch it anyways. And for Swedes, you should definitely watch it. As I said really interesting documentary about how something as beautiful(in most cases at least) can be used as torture. I mean they were talking about some beautiful classical songs that had been used as torture, and songs like Another One Bites the Dust by Queen, which is also a killer song.
To me or you that hasn't experienced this music torture, this might sound quite silly but I'm completely sure that if someone would play any song, no matter what song it would be for 24-48 hours non-stop at a really loud volume... I'd probably stop listening to that song for a while, and even maybe just go insane. Not to mention if that song would be that meow mix they had in that show, I mean one or 2 plays of that 30 second commercial song is enough to make you sick of it.

I must say though that when some dude on TV was talking about the show, presenting it, it sure did make me laugh when he said that the music of Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears was used as torture.

Oh well now I've recommended that really cool and interesting documentary I'm off to other things.

Today is my second day of this week of no school. So far I've done nothing, I plan on doing pretty much nothing if I can, well except rugby trainings and maybe at least install MS Word so I can start doing some of the school papers that are due already.
Oh yeah and I went to the doctor's today, about my headaches and shit, which I think might be depression maybe, but hey what do I know and I ain't fucking telling the doctor that I hate my school and pretty much all of my life for that matter, so I just told here I was fine and well I guess this was another useless visit where I'll get an appointment later(next Thursday) and they'll run some tests without finding shit. Which I understand as I believe without having the guts to tell my doctor so, that everything, or well at least most of the things that are wrong with me aren't physical but mental. But I don't know.

And now off to another thing Sweden Rock Festival has confirmed a couple of more bands now, so Ozzy shouldn't feel lonely on the festival lineup anymore :)
Saxon, Jason and the Schorchers, Agent Steel and Fläsket Brinner has been confirmed now. Can't say I listen much to any of those bands, and well out of those I must admit the only one I can recall ever being mentioned before is Saxon. And I must say it will be pretty cool hearing Wheels of Steel and 747 (Strangers in the night) and well I suppose I better get listening to them now before the summer comes with the festival so I know what I'm banging my head too.
Also I read that tomorrow Sweden Rock will announce 4 more artists/bands for next years festival. Something more to look forward too. Oh I can't wait till Sweden Rock Festival comes!




Until next time keep those heads banging!